8-10/30 Days of Dissociative Identity Disorder: Catch Up

Missed a bunch of these because life got in the way (as it often does). Here to answer your greatest (our greatest) inquiries on DID, days 8-10 of our ask meme challenge, Deathborn the hella rad alter (That’s me!)


Day Eight: How did you first discover you were plural? Was it before, after, or during diagnosis?

For at least a good part of our childhood, the inner/older parts say that we were aware of our plurality. Our system cycles hosts; we’ve had 4 or 5 as far as we can tell, since our hosts tend to be “manufactured” by the system to fulfill the host role at any given time in our life. We suspect the first and second (or second and third, if there were five) hosts were aware at least in some part of their plurality, but it was forgotten over the transition from second/third to third/fourth host, that is, the host which preceded our current one. He was unaware for 3-4 years, and then was reintroduced to the concept in 2012. When he retired from host duties, the next host was promptly informed of his plurality upon forming, seeing as we were out and socializing as plural with our partners and friends.

For a good year and a half before our diagnosis with DID, we interacted openly in plural circles, not claiming to have DID, but only to experience plurality. After our psychologist labeling us DID in 2013, we began interacting more specifically with DID circles and explored our plurality within a DID context.

For most alters, the plurality concept is a little jarring, but easily picked up once they’ve been tossed into play. For some of us, it’s harder to get used to or come to terms with than others. For the most part, though, we’ve largely been aware for more time than most DID patients, and we’ve always had a bit of a leg up in being aware of each other and the system.


Day Nine: What level of co-consciousness do you have? How do you feel your communication skills are within the system? How do you want to grow in those skills?

We tend to utilize our inner world a lot, and have a good amount of communication when we can wrangle people into cooperating and actually communicating, but often it falters out of dissociation or simple lack of cooperation and coordination on alters’ parts.

We try to communicate between fronters on the inside rather extensively before or after a switch, but it’s a concept lost on a lot of the insiders. Growing the skill probably isn’t realistic for us, but if people in here can get their acts together and coordinate a little better, I think it might facilitate growth in the communication department.

As it stands we’re mostly left in the dark where it comes to communication with those outside of the other alters we most closely associate with on the inside.


Day Ten: Have you ever done a system map? How extensively have you mapped your system?

We’re almost constantly system mapping in some way shape or form. We’ve done it a myriad of different ways, from organizing things like where physically in the inner world alters tend to settle (and making a literal “map”) out of that, to simple lists of who’s present and willing to talk (not unlike our ‘system members’ page here, which is a system map of alters likely to speak or be spoken about on the blog.).

We’ve mapped it pretty extensively, but all our maps are limited mostly by the fact that any one map is made by one alter, and thus are from that alters perspective and can’t be considered completely inclusive. Alters less prone to being noticed or contacted by other alters tend to either be left off the map or misrepresented.

We do and create a lot of system mapping activities though, and one of our biggest pushes toward co-consciousness is system mapping.

[∈Deathborn]

7/30 Days of Dissociative Identity Disorder

Day Seven: How many parts do you know of in the system? How many know about each other?

we know of i think 43ish? most of us don’t know the “second layer” folks, since they’re so rarely actually in the part of the inner world that we interact with regularly and all that. only those of us who go back and forth regularly (that’s me, lev, sometimes razi, and pan, pretty much at this point) know those guys on any sort of personal basis. we have a small enough inner world rn that everyone seems to know at least each other’s names and faces but tbh sometimes people show up who’ve been around for a while and we didn’t know about (like miguel) or they wake up from being in and out and a lot of people don’t know them. so yeah this is constantly changing for us i think.

6/30 Days of Dissociative Identity Disorder

Day Six: How do you feel about talking about the trauma which created your condition? Do you like to write about it privately or publicly? Why?

Generally, we prefer not to. Trauma is something that not even the people closest with us really talk with us about, most of us don’t even know the vaguest of details on what happened to create us. Most of us couldn’t talk about trauma if we tried, since those who remember keep it so tightly locked up.

We don’t even really write about it privately for that reason and because it’s just… not something we’re emotionally capable of dealing with right now.

5/30 Days of Dissociative Identity Disorder

Day Five: How often do you switch? How often do you lose time? Talk a little about what dissociation is like for you.

we have a fronting log up that needs updating (because it’s a llittle hard to get people to use it), but we usually switch 1-4 times a day depending on what’s going on with us and our partner system. we tend to lose time whenever someone fronts (so, since we don’t have an original, all time is “lost” initially), but we try to communicate and ‘regain’ lost time as soon as it happens. which means most days we lose we can at least get back in some partial form. we usually don’t retain a lot of daily things though and our memory is shit so.

dissociation is a really really wide array for us, as with most people, and since switching and dissociation is  not only different between entire systems, but system members, too, it’s kind of difficult to pin down one more common form of dissociation for us. one of the more common forms, though, is the ‘static brain’ we get sometimes. or the ‘zoning out’, just a a disconnect, plain and simple. bot, though, for example, gets more depressed the more dissociative and switchy he gets, and tends to be more prone to moodswings than he otherwise would be, but others tend to ‘numb out’ and stop feeling emotions entirely.

todd.

4/30 Days of Dissociative Identity Disorder

Day Four: Are you or any of the others in a relationship in or out of the system? How does dating work for you if you do it?

system relationships

Click for full size.

We’ve been partners with This Amazing System Over Here for two years and seven months now. Up there are the relationships I could figure out. At this second there are… around 15 of us single.

-Unincorporated(?)

3/30 Days of Dissociative Identity Disorder

Day Three: What are your thoughts on integration? Do you wish to integrate?

We go back and forth on whether or not integration would ever be an option. We tend to lean toward no. There are a lot of personal reasons behind it but I guess a big one is not wanting to lose each other, and the feeling that integration would only be temporary until the next big stressor in our life.

We think that seeking integration is a valid choice. We think that integration is probably successful for a lot of DID patients, at least, we’ve heard it has been. It’s just not the choice for us, especially right now. We’re working toward living by committee instead.

Yours,

Olwen

2/30 Days of Dissociative Identity Disorder

Day Two: Who knows about your system? Who do you want to know? What do you feel like it’s like coming out as multiple?

Who knows?? Um, okay, well, pretty  much every online friend we have knows because hey whats to lose besides everything and people in here are kind of careless about it especially online. The body’s dad has a vague idea but we don’t talk about it and he doesn’t ask and nothing happens over it. The school we left had an idea but we didn’t talk about it beyond triggers and stuff we needed and they ignored all that so. Um, our partners might actually be the only people who have any sort of significance in our life right now who know. The body’s mom was told, but she flipped and told us she’d institutionalize us for using plural pronouns so that nipped that in the bud.

I think once we’re fully out and living with our partners we’ll be a little more open with family and friends about it, since that’ll be a less trapping situation if they reject us for it or it leaks to the wrong person.

Coming out as multiple is actually scarier for us than coming out as gay af, and sometimes scarier than coming out as trans, just because we tend to hang out with LGBTQ folks, and they’re more welcoming about being queer or trans than being plural. It’s something that’s full of a lot of anxiety for us, totally unsurprisingly???

Bot

1/30 Days of Dissociative Identity Disorder

Original Post Here. Feel free to participate!


Day One: Describe your system. What kind of system, how big, anything you feel is a good introduction.

We are a not-quite polyfragmented system of under fifty members and over thirty members, depending on time and circumstance. Most of us have memories from prior to our being in the system, but consider these psychological/neurological anomalies and not an expression of previous lives per say. We’re traumagenic but prefer not to talk about our abuse. We almost always feel worthless. We’re constantly rife with guilt. We’re smokers, stoners, and recovering alcoholics (at least some are). We range from around three years old to around 45. The body is latin@, as are a good number of the insiders, but there are exceptions of varying race. While roughly 90% of the system are male, there are a good number of nonbinary folks, and a few girls.

≈Willoughbie

30 Days of Dissociative Identity Disorder

There are a number of these ask memes floating around the internet, and we thought we might as well start one for the DID folks around WordPress. You can do this privately, as a way of learning more about your system, or publicly to let your followers know more about your system. Or both,if you prefer.

Day One: Describe your system. What kind of system, how big, anything you feel is a good introduction.
Day Two: Who knows about your system? Who do you want to know? What do you feel like it’s like coming out as multiple?
Day Three: What are your thoughts on integration? Do you wish to integrate?
Day Four: Are you or any of the others in a relationship in or out of the system? How does dating work for you if you do it?
Day Five: How often do you switch? How often do you lose time? Talk a little about what dissociation is like for you.
Day Six: How do you feel about talking about the trauma which created your condition? Do you like to write about it privately or publicly? Why?
Day Seven: How many parts do you know of in the system? How many know about each other?
Day Eight: How did you first discover you were plural? Was it before, after, or during diagnosis?
Day Nine: What level of co-consciousness do you have? How do you feel your communication skills are within the system? How do you want to grow in those skills?
Day Ten: Have you ever done a system map? How extensively have you mapped your system?
Day Eleven: How much control do you have over switches? Do you know of any specific things which cause specific alters to front?
Day Twelve: What’s the worst thing you’ve woken up to finding out your alter’s done? What’s the best?
Day Thirteen: Has anyone ever noticed you were multiple before you told them? Do animals seem to know the difference in your switches?
Day Fourteen: To whoever’s fronting; what’s your favorite item to have around when fronting? Is it yours or do you share with other alters in the system?
Day Fifteen: What song(s) do you relate to your DID?
Day Sixteen: Where, as a system, is the safest place for you? Why?
Day Seventeen: Who’s an alter you’re interested in knowing more about or befriending? Which alter do you know best?
Day Eighteen: What’s your least favorite misconception or common misinformed fact spread abut Dissociative Identity Disorder?
Day Nineteen: Have you ever met another multiple offline? Tell us about it.
Day Twenty: Do you have a favorite book or TV show about or including DID?
Day Twenty-One: Tell us about your persecutor(s), protector(s), and gatekeeper(s).
Day Twenty-Two: Tell us about your littles.
Day Twenty-Three: Do you have an inner world? If so, who can access it? What’s it like?
Day Twenty-Four: Have you ever dealt with denial? What helps you work through it?
Day Twenty-Five: When did you first hear about Dissociative Identity Disorder? Was it before or after you discovered your plurality? In what context did you hear about it?
Day Twenty-Six: What aspect of DID do you find most challenging in daily life?
Day Twenty-Seven: What do you think the biggest differences between living as a singlet and living as a person with DID are?
Day Twenty-Eight: Share a memory of one of a different alter fronting which you’ve either been told about by them or by another friend.
Day Twenty-Nine: How do your alters like to express themselves on a daily basis?
Day Thirty: What’s one last thing you feel should be written about after answering all of that? Talk about whatever you want.