Just like with any disorder, supporters of those with Dissociative Identity Disorder might have to mind words and phrases which would otherwise seem commonplace, to make those they care about with DID more comfortable. Here’s a short cheat sheet we spit balled about within our system. Keep in mind that every DID system is different; the disorder manifests entirely uniquely in every different case, so it’s always best to double check with your friend, teacher, student, family member, or significant other who has DID before you take our word as law. Without further ado.
DON’T:
♦Ask which one of the alters is the “real” personality; every alter in a system is as real as every other alter, at least generally that’s the case.
♦Stop talking to a friend or other connection who tells you they’re plural; they told you because they wanted understanding, not because they wanted you to disappear on them!
♦Ask to speak to a particular alter; not all systems can deliberately switch, and even for those who can this is relatively rude. An exception, for most systems who can deliberately switch, can be made for close friends or significant others who are having an emergency situation which a specific alter can help with.
♦Act as though you are always addressing the host; if the host isn’t fronting, you’re not talking to them.
♦Ask what trauma caused their DID unless they’ve made it clear that they’re okay with talking about it with you.
♦Assume one or any alter has violent or malevolent intent until told so by the system or the behavior is displayed. Not every DID system has an “evil alter”; in fact they’re relatively rare. “Party girl” type alters are more common than they are, for god’s sake.
♦Assume that a system you meet now is the same as a system you met before; every one is different and DID is unique to each person with it.
♦OR assume that any one detail you’ve heard about DID (besides the diagnostic criteria, of course) applies to any one system.
DO:
♦Ask who you’re talking to! It makes alters know that they’re being seen as different from the host.
♦Ask who you’ve met already, if they’ve only just told you they have DID. It makes them aware that you’re willing to treat them as separate entities from the host in the future.
♦Be willing to remind them of things they’ve forgotten between switches. DID is a hugely difficult disorder in terms of short and long term memory, so try not to get frustrated if the system has issues with details or events.
♦Be open to explanations about alters; some may be different from what you’re used to. A lot of DID systems develop introjects or nonhuman alters for various reasons (coping mechanisms being one of the more common) and even human alters may be odd compared to what you’re used to!
♦Learn about each alter individually. They have different tastes and interests, and most of them will love the opportunity to be themselves; it tends to be pretty rare in our case.
♦Ask questions! If you’re curious about something, make sure you’ve phrased it in a way that isn’t offensive and go ahead and ask. Most of us are happy to educate or at least answer questions from friends and our other close relations.
♦Make as few assumptions as possible, and be open to talking about DID. Communication is one of the best things you can help a system with, and getting things out to an outside person is incredibly helpful for a lot of systems!
Seeing Plural 